The Shroud Underground

Does it seem too heartless for an abused mother on the run with her abused son, stranded in the middle of nowhere with no money, no way out and no options to give up and finally cap her son in the head with a .38 while he sleeps, then blow her own brains out? I was going to go with her suffocating him with a pillow - because that seems gentler, kinder (in her own manic mind) but I'm really trying to meld things so I can string the reader along as far as I can without them hitting that "bump" marking the borderline between reality and supernatural, and jumping to a flashback of her suffocating him with a pillow seems too jarring. Of course, if they're on the road, she could suffocate him with it in their car while he sleeps, parked where they are. Maybe that would work, but I still wonder.

Any ideas?

Wow, any of these packs a visceral punch to me! I think the factors to consider here are these:

1. Do the events prior to the shooting logically support the mother being in possession of a .38 and her ability to use it?

2. Does the manner of death have any special significance in the overall story arc?

3. Would a less-elaborate manner of death resonate more with readers because of their ability to relate to it?

For example, if the mother simply drove into a garage/enclosed space and left the car running, they both would fall asleep and eventually asphyxiate from carbon monoxide poisoning. In the mother's mind, this may seem more "humane." Furthermore, readers may respond strongly to the fact that such an act is so simple that they can actually envision it better.

I think it would even more drama to have the mother suddenly come to her senses in the last few seconds of the act, try to stop it, but fail to.

Women tend to kill cleanly, unless they're pissed at the person they're killing. However, I think enough emotional angst could get her to go for the gun instead of the pillow. If the story backs up the bang, I say go for it!

Well - they're on the run, nothing to their name but their battered car and the .38, no money, no food, middle of nowhere...and I'm going to hint the idea that she's got the .38 because she used it on her wife-beater husband to get themselves free in the first place. Plenty of angst for a moment of desperation.

I like your idea of the accident, Tim. I'm going to play with that.

Tim, as a publisher and editor - is it acceptable to quote things before short stories, especially if they're public domain? I want to quote this from a Robert Frost poem, because my tentative title for this story is "Almost Home"

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Stopping by a Wood on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost

Yes, public domain is good to go, particularly if you provide attribution.

KevinLucia wrote:Well - they're on the run, nothing to their name but their battered car and the .38, no money, no food, middle of nowhere...and I'm going to hint the idea that she's got the .38 because she used it on her wife-beater husband to get themselves free in the first place. Plenty of angst for a moment of desperation.

I like your idea of the accident, Tim. I'm going to play with that.

Tim, as a publisher and editor - is it acceptable to quote things before short stories, especially if they're public domain? I want to quote this from a Robert Frost poem, because my tentative title for this story is "Almost Home"

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Stopping by a Wood on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost